Yawn Like Somebody is Watching

The Response to What You’re Doing

The other day I was driving down the road and passed a car heading in the opposite direction. I glanced over just before the other car passed by to see the driver yawning. In a flash they were gone…and I started to yawn.

Even typing the words, I actually just yawned. I just yawned again. I’m not tired, but I can’t stop yawning. Are you thinking about yawning yet? Have you yawned yet? How about now?

Maybe you are one of those rare people who can refrain from yawning even when you see it happening or hear about it. I’m not kidding when I tell you that I yawned several times while looking at Google Images of people yawning to find a picture for this post.

Yawning is contagious. If you’re ever bored at a restaurant, just find someone at another table and fake a yawn while making eye contact with them. They’ll start yawning. It’s hilarious.

I don’t really want to talk about yawning though. I want to talk about what I learned from my encounter with the yawning driver who passed by.

After she passed me, I imitated her behavior. It wasn’t a premeditated response, but it happened. She had no idea how her action affected me.

Have you ever thought about how your actions are affecting other people? If you have, perhaps you have attempted to alter behavior you didn’t want repeated. However, in the rhythm of everyday life sometimes we forget that people may be watching and we quit acting and just yawn…I mean live our actual lives.

If people mimicked the way you talk to your spouse, would their marriage be healthy?

If someone talked to their kids the way you talk to yours, would you think they were good parents?

If another Christian followed Christ the way you do, would they be growing closer to Him or falling further away?

I recognize that this might seem overwhelming. It may make you sweat. It might scare you, but it doesn’t have to. Their responses could be positive or negative things. Somewhere, someone is probably emulating some of your good behavior too.

The reality is, people are always watching. If you have kids living at home, they are for sure. You are consciously and subconsciously modeling for them what it means to be an adult. Even beyond kids, people on your job, people in your community, your neighbors, your friends, and total strangers. They are just passing by, observing your behavior and it has an affect on them.

What actions are you taking that may be causing a response from someone else?

Live like someone is watching. Because they are!

How to Be Strategic

It’s Not as Hard as You Think

Most Saturdays for our little family are filled running between baseball games, lacrosse games and eating food in the car. We’ve been pretty lucky thus far to juggle practice nights during the week without feeling like we are all running in opposite directions. However, Saturdays are a bit trickier. Everyone plays on Saturday. This usually involves at least two cars, some expert scheduling to get everyone where they need to be on time, and a lot of FaceTime calls so one parent can include the other parent in watching an at bat or goal scored from miles away.

A few weeks ago Tucker had team pictures at 8am, a baseball game at 9am, Cooper had a baseball game 20 miles away at 9am, and Branson had a lacrosse game 10 miles away, but not until 3pm. To complicate things a bit, Corrie’s phone had been dropped that week and her screen was cracked so much she was getting glass on her face whenever she talked on the phone. Knowing that our schedule would not be conducive to getting it fixed the next week I decided to “fit in” a Genius Bar appointment around lunchtime.

So…after the morning games I went and parked my car at the field where Branson would play later that afternoon, Corrie met me and we rode together to the mall to eat lunch and get her phone fixed. Then we drove back to Branson’s game where we had two cars.

I’m a dork, so I have to tell you that I actually sat down the night before to chart out the plan and talk it through with Corrie. I had checked Waze to make sure I knew how far it was between the various locations we needed to be throughout the day. I was pretty pumped about my plan.

That’s really all strategy is…a plan.

A lot of people say, “I’m not strategic” or “I need someone to help me develop a strategy for that.” While I agree that there are people who are more strategic thinkers than others, I think we can all be strategic. It just requires a little planning.

So here’s 4 ways to be more strategic.

1- Define the goal.

For us on that Saturday it was getting everyone where they needed to be as efficiently as possible. At my church, we have a goal to see 15 people get outside the United States this year and serve on the “mission field.” In your home, maybe it is getting all the laundry done before guests come visit next weekend. It doesn’t really matter what your goal is. You just have to know what it is.

2- Decide who will be involved.

Some people wait to add people to the process after the plan is developed. I like to know who and how many before I work out the how. Having a few more or a few less people may dictate what we actually do.

3- Determine the plan.

Work backwards from your goal. We had to get to Branson’s game by 2:30 for warmups. So what time do we need to leave the mall? Okay, is there a Genius Bar appointment between 12 and 1pm? How long will it take us to get to the mall from the field? What time would Tucker’s game need to be over for us to get to the mall on time? There seems to be extra time, would it be beneficial to park a car and meet so we are only driving one car to the mall and back?

Or…The guests arrive on Friday. I have 96 loads of laundry. It takes 2 hours to wash, dry and fold a load. I need at least 6 hours of sleep per night. So I have 18 hours a day of non-stop laundry to get it all done. 😉

You may realize as you work backwards that you have to eliminate some steps, or you don’t have time or the resources to do what needs to be done. So you have to change the plan, move the deadline or change the number of people involved.

4- Don’t be too rigid.

Work your plan, but be willing to adapt if necessary. Strategy is only as good as it’s execution. So don’t give up if it doesn’t work exactly like you hoped it would (more on that later this week).

I promise you can be strategic. You just have spend some time developing a plan.

 

If you are trying to accomplish something and need an outside set of eyes to help you develop or think through your strategy click here. I’d love to help.

Swing at Every Pitch

Why Taking Risks and Failing is Worth It

My son Tucker plays “coach-pitch” 7 & 8 year old baseball. I am not coaching his team this year, but his coach asked for a volunteer to pitch and I answered the call.

The first practice I was pitching to the kids in the batting cage and trying to figure out their skill levels, how aggressively to pitch to them, etc. The third batter into the cage was the smallest kid on the team, but I knew immediately I was going to like this kid. He stepped into the batter’s box with a very confident approach and  no matter where I pitched it he swung, and he swung HARD! One pitch was a little low, he swung at it, but didn’t hit it because it was almost on the ground. I said, “sorry, that wasn’t a very good pitch. You don’t have to swing if it’s not a good pitch.” He replied emphatically, “It’s okay. I swing at EVERY pitch.”

I literally LOL’ed.  While his approach may not be approved by the MLB or score well with Sabermetrics, but having coached little leaguers for about 10 years, his is a good problem to have. The overwhelming majority of my players have had to be taught to swing the bat, and swing aggressively. They are more concerned with finding the right pitch or not getting hit by the pitch than they are to give it their all on every pitch. By being passive in their approach they let a lot of really good pitches go by.

What’s your approach in life and leadership? Do you have an “I swing at every pitch” mentality or an “I don’t want to swing at a bad pitch so I let some good ones go by” mentality?

I recognize that this metaphor has some holes in it. Not every pitch is worth swinging at, but so often people miss great opportunities because they are being too cautious.

I’ve heard you have to spend money to make money. I’ve read that a large percentage of millionaires have also filed bankruptcy. Some of my favorite authors talk about being embarrassed when they read their first published book. Maybe you (or your “friend”) laments missed business opportunities, the investment that “would have” made them tons of money, or the guy/girl they “could have” married if they’d had the courage to ever ask them out.

Don’t be that person. Be aggressive. Take a risk. Sure you may strike out every now and then, but you’ll also have way more fun playing than the guy who watches every pitch go by and walks back to the dugout knowing he never even tried.

 

My Freshman Year of College Almost Killed My Parents

Navigating an Awkward Transition in the Parent Child Relationship

Recently my dad and I had a heart to heart conversation reliving some of the details of my freshman year of college. In his words, it was one of the hardest years of his and my mom’s life. For me, it was probably the most confusing year of my life.

To give you just a bit of backstory: I was a “good kid” growing up. Pretty smart. Room stayed clean and organized. I wasn’t perfect by any means, but I didn’t do a lot of the normal stupid teenage stuff. I wouldn’t say my parents were strict, but they had pretty specific expectations for me and my brother.

So I moved away to college and experienced my first taste of true freedom. I didn’t go to class like I should. I rarely went to church that year. My grades were AWFUL! I didn’t come home to visit and called less frequently than they would have hoped. I made other VERY poor decisions.

I realize in the greater scheme of things there are still worse things I could have done, or that others have experienced. However, within our context it was a very trying year.

From over a decade working in Student Ministry and  another 5 years or so walking with families that are making similar transitions I believe there are several reasons parents and children struggle in the “off to college/moving out” phase.

  • Distance

For most, it is the first extended period of time that distance is created between parent and child. Whether they are moving across the country, going to backpack around the world, or moving into the dorm across town, the physical separation is a huge adjustment for both parties.

  • Decisions

Again, this is perhaps the first time that decisions are being made completely autonomous from parents. These are no longer petty decisions. They are choosing majors, potential life-long relationships, and financial decisions with long-term effects. Which leads us to…

  • Dollars

Often, parents are, wholly or partly, invested financially in the decisions their kids are making in this college season. They are paying tuition, co-signed on the student loan, or sending living money. So when they see their kids making poor decisions or not honoring the time and resource being invested in them it creates stress and strain on the relationship.

So, if you are a parent (or child) who is trying to navigate “the first year away from home” transition season I would offer the following advice. I am a parent of 4 kids not yet in high school, so I offer the advice as someone who lived on the “child” side of this equation and as a “spy” in a foreign land through my years in ministry to students and families.

Try to maintain proper perspective

I once read a quote that was attributed to John Maxwell. I haven’t been able to corroborate that it was actually him, but I’ll attribute it to him nonetheless. He said, “If someone overreacts in a situation involving someone else they are saying they value the situation more than they value the person.”

Now please don’t hear what I’m not saying. I realize some things need a reaction, maybe even a big one. However, if you can maintain a proper perspective you might be able to correct a wrong and still convey your love for the other person without overreacting. If you overreact you run the risk of losing the relationship over something that may or may not be important 5 years from now.

The reality for a lot of parents is that they are reacting out of a desire to help their children avoid some of the mistakes they made themselves. I heard a parent say not too long ago, “Walking through some dark days and living with the consequence of my poor decisions made me the person I am today. But I want my children to just become those kinds of people while avoiding the things I didn’t avoid. I’m not sure how that’s possible.”

While we want the best for our children there are various stages in their lives where we have to let them live with their decisions and the consequences. As long as their life isn’t in jeopardy and their future is still possible, it may require parents to step back for a season. On the flip side the son or daughter has to realize that mom and dad really are trying to help. They aren’t trying to rob you of fun experiences or get in your business, they just see with a little more clarity the possible repercussions of the things you are doing.

Keep talking

When I do premarital counseling I probably say the word communication 25-30 times an hour. It is that important. Well the same could be said for parents and young adults during this season of their lives. Keep talking. Communication is the key.

Some conversations will be better than others. Some conversations will end with one or both of you hanging up angry. Just keep talking. Maintaining the relationship and open lines of communication now will help to have a relationship in the next season.

Take the long view

While this may seem like it fits within “Maintaining proper perspective”, it’s somewhat different. The difference here is realizing that this season won’t last forever. Yes, I know, some students may take the 10 year plan toward graduation. But it won’t last forever.

Ultimately you want to be sitting in the crowd cheering at their graduation. You want to be standing beside them or sitting on the front row when they get married. And you want them to want you there.

Try to remember those future moments in the present moments you’re not sure you can live through.

Every situation is different and I realize you could read this and say, “Well you just don’t know our set of circumstances.” And you’d be right. But I lived through this season in my life. And my dad and I were able to talk about it and laugh the other day. I pray you can too one day!

Keep going. You can make it!

What advice would you offer to others in this season? Comment below.

 

3 Reasons Fast isn’t Always Best

The Power of the Process

My wife is an amazing “homemaker”. That’s probably not even the right word for what she does. Sometimes she is a DIY furniture maker. Other times she finds obscure antiques or knick-nacks and turns them into statement decor in our home. She is also the self-proclaimed “fastest painter in the world.”

She finds a color she likes, picks up a gallon, and we are moving furniture to the middle of the room that evening. We don’t obsess over color selection. She knows what she likes when she sees it. If we get it on the wall and don’t like it we can paint over it.

However…

We are both impatient. We like to paint the room, move the furniture back and take the “After” picture. The project needs to feel complete before we go to bed. While we are still passionate about the idea we want to leverage our energies toward completion.

I’ve adopted and love her get it done now mentality with painting. However, I have come to realize that I carry this same attitude with me into everyday living. Undone projects tend to eventually become the things we’ll get to “one day”. So I rush through to get the job done. After all, no one ever takes an almost finished picture.

The problem is, a lot of things worth doing can’t be done quickly. Financial responsibility starts with a decision and hard choices initially, but it’s never really “finished.” Weight loss or healthier living is ongoing. Educational endeavors take time.

So what do we do?

Stop comparing your “work in progress” to someone else’s “finished product.”

      The reality is they probably aren’t finished either. They just may be a little further down the road than you. It’s also important to view everything on social media like you do the objects in your rearview mirror.

While the mirror tells you “objects are closer than they appear”, social media should come with the caption “not as fabulous as presented.” The perfect Instagram picture of their clean house doesn’t reveal the dirty laundry hidden behind the door.

      The glowing Facebook post about their weight loss journey doesn’t show the lingering insecurity in front of the mirror.

If you allow yourself to be shaped by someone else’s well-crafted narrative you’re setting yourself up for unnecessary heartache.

Appreciate the benefits of “sleeping on it.”

I can’t tell you how many times we’ve painted a room, cleaned up, moved the furniture back and gone to bed, only to have the light of a new day reveal a spot we missed. Taking a little extra time gives you a perspective that finishing too quickly will rob from you.

My dad says he has two financial decisions he still regrets to this day. Both were made without walking away to sleep on it and returning the next day to close the deal. There are very few things that can’t wait an extra 12 hours.

Remember the original “why.”

Pastor Mark Batterson talks about the power of a picture in a cow pasture.

It’s not that the cow pasture has any power. It’s just that he originally felt the call of God on his life walking through that cow pasture. So he went back and got a picture of himself standing in the pasture and hung it in his office. On those days where his job feels “unfinished” he looks at that picture to remember his excitement for the original calling.

Why did you start out on this journey? Why did you originally go back to school? Why did you originally want to save money? Why did you commit to purity before marriage or faithfulness within your marriage, in the first place?

If you can remember WHY, you’ll eventually figure our HOW.

If you’re like us you love to finish the job and cross the item off your to-do list. But don’t be afraid to embrace the work in progress.

It’s where life is actually lived!

 

Why I Got Mad at My Wife and You Do Too

Using My Mistakes to Make You Better

The other night my wife Corrie was doing laundry and discovered something that had a stain on it. After searching the laundry room she discovered that she didn’t have what she needed to properly treat the stain. So she asked me to go to the grocery store and pick it up.

I did. Walked in. Went straight to the correct aisle. Looked at the detergents, but couldn’t find the powder version she requested. They had powder in every other name brand, but not the one she wanted. So I found the liquid in that same brand. It said “Stain Remover” on the front. I paid for it, and returned home.

When I walked in, Corrie immediately noticed that I had liquid instead of powder. She said, “I don’t think this will work. I needed the powder.” I calmly responded, “They didn’t have powder. I looked ‘EVERYWHERE’. They had it in other brands, but not this one.” She replied, “I’m pretty sure they did, I was just in the store earlier today.”……

This is the point in the story where I started acting like a child. In no uncertain terms I told her it was insulting that she didn’t believe me when I told her it wasn’t there. I said if she was so sure it was there she could go look herself…(or something like that. I don’t exactly remember.)

She remained calm and just said, “I think you may have been looking with the detergents, but the powder would be with the stain remover. Did you look there?” (I had NOT looked there)

I grabbed the liquid bottle, walked back out the door, drove back to the store, told the guy I needed to exchange it, walked to the correct aisle, passed the detergents, found the stain removers…and there it was…right where she said it would be.

I came home, tail between my legs, and apologized to my wife for acting like an idiot. She was so kind the whole time it made my behavior even worse.

I don’t tell you that story to demonstrate my ignorance about detergents. That’s painfully obvious.

I tell this story to ask us all a question.

Why do we get so upset about being wrong?

I know Corrie loves me. I know she knows I’m not perfect. So why did I take a posture that she was insulting me for being wrong, when I was, in fact, wrong? She wasn’t even upset that I got the wrong kind.

Why do we lash out? Why do we lie to cover up our mistakes? Why do we get so angry?

Most of the time I think we act this way out of our insecurity. Other times it’s our pride.

What if you took 2 minutes and evaluated your recent similar reactions to the one I just described? Why were you so upset? Drill down beyond your behavior to the motivations that caused your reaction.

Maybe these 2 minutes will save you embarrassment, hurt, and a necessary apology next time.

The #1 Way to Be Successful in the New Year

Hi, my name is Jeremy, and I have a problem. I’m a cliche.

I get very nostalgic, and super motivated as one year is closing and another is beginning.

There’s just something about the calendar turning from one year to another that seems momentous. I realize the difference from December 31 to January 1 is the same amount of time as from May 6 to May 7, but it feels so much bigger…doesn’t it? I can’t be the only one.

So, as the year winds down I’m sure that you, like me, are contemplating some version of new years resolutions. Maybe you want to lose weight…again. Maybe you want to try to save money…again. Maybe you want to communicate better, get more sleep, invest in relationships, etc, etc, etc.

But, do you want to know the secret to being more successful in the new year?

Reflect on this previous year (and others before it) first.

I know, you think there’s no way it’s that simple, or you’re convinced you’ve done that before. But I would contend that if you are really going to be successful in the new year, you must understand what made you successful (or not) in the previous year. Why didn’t you lose as much weight as you hoped you would 365 days ago? Why isn’t your savings account more filled? Where did you go off the tracks with your plan to get more organized?

Until you know where you got lost, it’s almost impossible to confidently chart out a new course. You’ll just repeat the same behaviors as before.

So, before you make any “new years resolutions”, what if you created a list of “previous year reflections”? Things like:

  • I struggled to lose weight because I ate out with coworkers for lunch too much.
  • I didn’t save enough money because (see item above, or) I didn’t create and stick to my budget each month.
  • I failed to generate the number of business leads I needed because I filled my “free time” with too much Netflix.

A couple of keys for this to really work. First, you have to be honest. If you can’t be honest with yourself you’re just wasting your own time. Second, you have to own it. Notice that my examples above start with the word “I”. Even though I mentioned other people, I must own my decisions and shortcomings.

When I create a list like the one above then I don’t have to have vague, ambiguous resolutions about losing weight. Instead I have specific actions plans that change behavior. For example:

  • I am going to take my lunch to work at least 3 days per week in an effort to eat healthier and save money.
  • I will make 3 cold-calls every workday for every hour of Netflix I watch.

The goal is pretty much the same, but it’s specific, measurable and easier to hold yourself accountable.

Take some time over the next few days and look back so you can truly look forward with intentionality.

Go get ’em!

Dealing with Loss at the Holidays

This post appeared as an article in the December 2016 edition of AroundCanton magazine.

March 2nd, 2017 will be 6 years since my mom passed away after a two year battle with cancer. I remember the first Thanksgiving after she passed my uncle saying around the dinner table, “Her absence is no more real than when we are all together.” She never got to meet four of her grandchildren. She doesn’t get to see the excitement of all 8 grandchildren when they open presents or laugh with one another while trying to stay up late enough to “catch Santa”. The most wonderful time of the year is indeed still wonderful, even while we carry a loss in our hearts.

So how do you deal with loss during the holidays? Well, I’m not sure there is a cookie-cutter, one-size-fits-all process for everyone. However, I do think there are some common things we can all do to ease the pain a bit.

First, find ways to “include” those who are no longer here in your holiday schedule. Tell stories about them from family gatherings gone by. Make sure the younger generations know how important those who are missing were in establishing the traditions we enjoy today.

Second, don’t feel bad about feeling sad. Allow yourself room to grieve, especially in the first few years or holidays after they’ve passed. Grieving isn’t weakness, and is a natural response to loss. The healthiest thing to do is allow space to cry, talk or process your emotions.

Third, don’t feel bad about feeling happy. You aren’t dishonoring their memory while you laugh and celebrate with those around you. Free yourself from guilt and enjoy the moments you have with the special people in your life.

Finally, make sure you tell the people in your life what they mean to you. For many people, Christmas is a time where they will give and receive words of affirmation and love more easily than perhaps any other time of the year. Don’t allow another day to pass without them knowing that you care, that they are special to you, and that they matter.

In the Bible, Matthew 5:4 says, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” My prayer for you this holiday season is that the Lord will comfort you through those around you, even as you mourn those who are no longer here.

Burned Out Pastor’s Wife

Over the past few days many in the church world have been consumed talking about the resignation of Pastor Pete Wilson of Crosspoint Church in Nashville, TN. In case you haven’t heard the news, he announced to his church that he was “broken”, “tired” and “needed rest”. Since then people have called it “burnout.” Most have called it a brave move to confess something to thousands at his church and perhaps hundreds of thousands through social media what most of us in ministry are too afraid to admit has or is happening to us.

While I see the bravery, when I watched the video I was also thinking about something a little differently than most people. As he stood on that stage in vulnerability to walk away from something that was once a dream so deep in his heart and now had exceeded his wildest expectations I could only think of one person: his wife.

I have sincerely prayed for Pete Wilson’s wife and children over the past few days. I couldn’t even tell you their names (sadly enough) but we share a common bond. I may not be married to someone who pastors 1000’s but my husband is a pastor. Like her, and like many of you, to some I am the nameless wife of the guy who preaches. I understand the weight and the burden that is carried behind the doors of a pastor’s home and my heart goes out to her. She will probably never read this and may not be experiencing these things right now, but I’m sure she has before…and maybe you have too.

You’ve probably heard the old saying “behind every good man is an even better woman” and though I don’t know if that is entirely true I can speak from the heart of a pastor’s wife to say that for almost every burned out, burdened, tired pastor, there is a wife wrestling with some of these same issues, and others, without as much support. I realize pastor’s wives may not carry the same weight of their husbands, but we do carry a weight, and it’s often overlooked or minimized.

I would never assume to know all the conversations that have taken place over the years and months in the Wilson home. However I know some of the conversations that have taken place in our home. I’ve also talked to enough pastor’s wives that I know some of the conversations that have taken place in those homes as well.

This is not about bad husbands, because I am married to a great man who would never intentionally prioritize things over our family. He’s a devoted husband, a great baseball coach for the boys and takes our daughter out on dates. Many of the women I talk to are married to similar men. However, the demands of ministry and life often throw things out of balance for them and for us. Sometimes wives need to say hard things. Things like

“you’re not giving enough to your family”,

“the kids miss you”,

“you’re mentally and emotionally distant”,

“the things in the home are falling apart because of the time you are giving to the church”,

“your priorities are out of whack”,

“I miss you”,

“the oil hasn’t been changed in months ;-)”,

“should we just sell our beds and sleep at the church?”

These statements may seem harsh to some and even may seem unfair to certain readers but many times they are the cry of “pre-burnout” or full-fledged “burnout” from a pastor’s wife. I’m telling my husband the kids miss him, not too hurt him, but because of the burden I’m carrying for our children and the rhythm of our home and ministry balance as he pursues the calling of God on his life as well.

The church world talks a lot about pastoral burn out, but what about pastor’s wife burn out?

What do you do as a wife who is exhausted mentally, physically and emotionally? What do you do when you don’t want to attend another life group or talk about the church on your date night? What do you do when you don’t have anything else to give to a member who “just needs 5 minutes”?

The job of pastor’s wife is one of the most rewarding things I get to do. I don’t always get it right but I thank the Lord regularly for calling me and for calling our family to this incredible work. This post is not autobiographical, right now. But it’s no less sincere.

I have such a heart for pastor’s wives, so much so that it is hard to explain in words most the time. Whether they stay at home or work outside the home, most pastor’s wives also work hard for their church too (and usually for no pay). Often there are expectations that come with being married to a pastor whether the wife feels called to them or not. Things like women’s ministry, or worship or children’s ministry. Sometimes it’s meals with first time visitors, home or hospital visitation, decorating the church and so much more. At the same time they carry a heavy burden for their families, children, husbands, staff families, church members, etc.

There is a pressure we place on ourselves to make sure we are being enough, doing enough, and reaching enough. We want to make sure we are meeting the expectations of those around us. If we aren’t careful we suffer in suffocating silence.

So what do you do if you are married to someone in ministry and experience any of this?

First, take notice. Learn to be ok with not being ok and admit that you feel like you are about to lose it. I’m a very laid back person, but I always know when I’ve had about enough because I get emotional. Everything becomes a big deal, and I get short-tempered, even over little things. Others may notice mental and physical exhaustion and a desire to sleep all the time. Still others might notice a loss of joy in things you love most.

Second, find someone to talk to. I don’t know who that person is for you but I am so fortunate to be married to my best friend who tries his best to understand what I’m saying and feeling. For us, after 12 years of marriage, 4 kids, and 13 years of doing ministry together, I’ve learned it’s ok to show my humanity and my weaknesses to the person who claims to know/love me more than anyone else. Maybe you don’t want to express these burdens to your husband because of what he’s already carrying, but you have to talk to someone. Maybe it’s a friend, parent or sibling who doesn’t attend your church. Maybe it is a counselor. Whether you would classify yourself as an introvert, like me, or an extrovert like ALMOST EVERYONE AROUND ME, everyone needs someone to talk to.

Third, do some serious soul-searching. Be honest. Evaluate the fundamentals of your faith. Are you reading your Bible enough? Are you praying enough? Are you trying to please others more than you are trying to please God? Remember and ask the Lord to remind you why He called you in the first place.

Lastly, be ok with saying you need a break.  Women aren’t usually very good at this because we like to stay busy so people don’t think we can’t juggle all that’s in front of us. That’s not how God intended it to be. Be ok with needing a break. Matthew 11:28-30 (MSG) says, “Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

So I’m praying for you today pastor’s wife. I’m praying that you feel a renewed sense of God’s calling and purpose for you. That today you find joy in Him. I pray that there is a return to the basics and to the goodness of God that at one time was enough to follow Him into this thing we know as ministry. I’m praying for your children and families. I’m praying for your marriages and your homes today.

I’m praying that you find rest for your soul.

The #1 Threat to Contentment

Imagine that your boss calls you into his office and says, “You’ve done great work and in return we’d like to offer you a 25% pay increase beginning immediately.”

How would that make you feel? Excited? Happy?

Now imagine that you leave his office and you’re walking down the hall back to your office only to overhear a coworker talking on the phone: “yeah, they said I’m doing a great job and they are giving me a 35% raise beginning immediately.”

How would that make you feel? Upset? Angry? Insecure?

Isn’t it amazing how quickly our emotions can swing from one extreme to the other? The only variable in the scenario above was the information received about your coworker. But that didn’t really effect you, except that you let it effect you.

It has been said that

“the number #1 enemy to contentment is comparison.”

Think about that. How much more content would you be if you didn’t compare your life with someone else’s?

Your house is nice, except it’s smaller than the neighbors.

Your car runs great, except it’s older than your sisters.

Your kid’s public school is fine, except your best friends’ kids go to private school.

Your company is growing, except it’s not growing as fast as the company downstairs.

Your church is healthy, but you aren’t seeing the numbers the Pastor on Twitter is seeing.

Whenever I’ve allowed comparison to steal my contentment here’s what I do:

  1. Intentionally and consistently find ways to thank God (and others) for what you have. You might have to “fake it ’til you make it”. Give thanks before you feel thanks. Don’t stop. It’s amazing how my whole perspective changes when I’m focused on what God has blessed me with.
  2. Pray that God will bless others more. I can’t resent what God’s doing in someone else’s life when I’m asking Him to do it for them. Kill your pride by praying for others to be blessed.
  3. Repeat!

Find contentment in the things you have and quit worrying about what others have.

Be content. Stop comparing.